Recently in Introspection Category
Tonight after a fabulous steak dinner at RingSide, I was given an intervention by my
co-workers.
You're working too much.
You need to stop working when you're on vacation.
Don't burn out.
I thought I had established a good work/life balance - but they are right; I was on vacation last week and I never quite "left" work. Technically, what I have is a work/Jerry balance - which is perhaps part of the problem - no time for "me", no time for me and Eriko.
I have vacation coming up next week, so this is a wonderful opportunity to step back from work a bit - and probably step back from the computer a bit as well. I need to figure out a plan for the Jetta (and the MG); it's not going to sell (or fix) itself.
This is going to be easier said than done...
I have lost my way. While my current position is fun (at times) and is providing me with new experiences, I don't feel as if I'm moving towards anything.
Why am I still at work?
Good salary.
Convenient.
Comfortable.
Big investment.
Lack of alternatives.
I work hard, long and most days I am excited to head into the office.
Honestly, I seem to be operating off of hope more than reality - most of what I do I tend to feel unsatisfied with.
A case of unrealistic expectations?
I'm torn between fearing that I'm letting another opportunity pass me by and abandoning the hope that work will "pay out".
That's the rub - would I still be here if I had sold all my shares at $ 10?
Dad always told me to find something you love and the rest will take care of itself - the lack of fulfillment at work is creeping - it has become much more about the result than the journey - and on that note, I am completely lost.
Work has been keeping me pretty darn busy as of late (which isn't a bad thing, considering that I still have a job...)
The rest of my time is occupied by my favorite guy - Jerry!
Isilon and Jerry... I've been on several trips recently - to Atlanta, Austin, and soon Los Angeles. Jerry keeps me really busy, from the moment I get home until the moment I leave the next door. We've been having a ball.
He made two verbal slips that were pretty funny recently - we were talking about fruits and donuts and he accidentally said "banut" (banana donut). As soon as the word came out, we both started laughing. There was a look of surprise on his face. Today, the same thing happened - he wanted to watch Bee Movie and instead said "Boomie". He's has become a very effective communicator, very fast.
I had a communication success of my own yesterday - I gave a lecture at UW; Hank Levy gave me the honor of teaching about Isilon's OneFS for his CSE 451 course. It was a pleasure and I think I did a bang-up job.
I've obviously been spending a lot of time learning about what's going on with the financial markets, the economy, etc. I am certainly no expert, but far more informed then I was a few months ago. I have yet to take the same strong interest in politics...
Flashback to 2002, when I quit my job at InsynQ as a beautiful love interest (Eriko) forced me to realize that it was going nowhere. In doing so, I spent several months unemployed and it has completely impacted and changed my spending habits. Before the unemployment, I spent money like I would always have money - not necessarily in debt, but very little savings.
Since then, I strive to (as my father would say) "save where I can, so I can spend where I want." Eriko prepares my lunch on a daily basis, she cuts my hair, we rarely go out to eat, we drive old cars, and live far from a consumption lifestyle - but we do splurge on things like memberships to the Children's Museum and Zoo for Jerry, trips to Japan and Pennsylvania, and of course - toys for Jerry.
I see the current financial crisis (and the pathetic political situation that has done nothing to abate it) as the trigger for me to be more involved, more engaged, and more educated. Ideally, I'll make better decisions regarding my longer-term financial goals.
In crisis, there is opportunity.
Zack had been prompting me to read this for some time, so I took it with on my trip to Texas last week. It turned out to be very easy and engaging reading and I finished it on the flight down. Reading Wil's blog entries and then his own commentary on the blogs was interesting. I have found a very similiar duality or "show" which occurs in my own writing.
When I first started this blog, I was writing it for me - my earliest entries are intimate, revealing, and sometimes "inappropriate." As my audience appeared and it became clear that Eriko, my parents, my siblings, and other relatives were reading the blog I found myself altering the type of content and presentation.
No longer do I write an entry as a stream of consciousness in a vacuum - I'm very aware of the "audience" watching. At the same time, my life has changed so much, most of my content has become less brash; there is no need for such bravado - gone are the days of political and international conspiracy theories (who has time for that), the partying (day after is too painful), and the women (one is very much enough, thank you).
My entries are focused on career and my family. I find it fitting that this matched Wil's transition as well - he is my role model for the "goals" page on nick.org.
